Hey everyone! Tomorrow (3/15) I have my cervical polyp removal surgery. I had the pre-op appointment on Monday and found out that it will not just be light anesthesia, but the full general anesthesia (tube down throat and all). This makes me a little more nervous than I already am, but I know it will be ok. I will be down for the rest of the week so today basically marks my last day of spring break. That stinks for all of the lazy/fun reasons of a break I am going to miss, but am so grateful that I am not having to miss multiple days of work for this surgery!
Please keep me, Justin and Dr. Craig in your prayers tomorrow. She is not only going to remove the polyp but is going to go into my uterus and just triple check that everything is ok there. Justin - the hospital is referring to him as my 'responsible party' - will be taking good care of me. He is always so wonderful when I am sick so I know I will be in great hands!
Thank you for the prayers!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Recovering
I know that by sharing this journey it has made everyone that follows this blog interested in what is happening and what is going to happen in the future. Sometimes sharing has made it hard but we really feel like if God is going to use our journey to help others, the first step is for us to share. This is a very hard post to write.
The last post I made was about our crazy back and forth schedule during the IVF process. So I think it would be best for me to pick up where I left off.
After my last post we had 4 more days of appointments and then the egg retrieval happened on Saturday the 5th. This process involves me being put under anesthesia and they go into my ovaries with a needle and poke each follicle (remember I had almost 20 in each side) and get the egg out of the follicle. This only took about 45 minutes and I woke up in a pretty good amount of pain. Most women have about 10-15 eggs retrieved TOPS, but I had 39 which is because of my age and the fact that I have PCOS (I asked if I broke the record but I didn’t!). Being that many eggs kept my chances of Ovarian Hyper stimulation up because there is fluid from each follicle that is still in the ovaries. Basically after the procedure I had to ‘recover’ for about an hour until they could get the pain under control and then they released me. I got in the car, knocked out and woke up when he told me we were home. We had planned on staying up there, but I wanted to be in my own bed when I felt bad so he made that happen. He said on the way home every bump he hit I would wake up and say ouch. I don’t remember much.
The next few days were hard. I felt like I had literally been cut open in my lower tummy. I could not walk standing straight up because of how bad it hurt (my enlarged ovaries). I had to urinate every 15 minutes and it drove me crazy. We did figure out later that the reason for that was because my ovaries were so large that they were pressing on my bladder and I was getting rid of all of the fluid from the IV.
They call you with an update of your eggs (now embryos) daily. By Sunday, just a day after the procedure, we had 21 that had been fertilized. We knew all 39 weren’t mature enough to fertilize, but they remove them so that you don’t get really sick. Leaving them would have caused me to overstimulated more which would have required a hospital stay. They were the eggs that weren’t meant to make it.
I attempted work on Monday and actually made it all day. I was in so much pain from pushing myself that if I could change something that is one of the things I would change. I felt better mentally because I got some things off my pending to do list but I am not sure it was the best time to do that. We got a call on Monday the 7th saying that they wanted to do the transfer on Tuesday the 8th. Basically this is a procedure that we had a practice run of back in December and it takes about 10 minutes to put the eggs back in. I am not under any anesthesia, it isn’t a big deal. Or it least it wasn’t then.
Of course we break the mold on everything so the transfer wasn’t what we expected. Our practice run had gone smooth a few weeks earlier, but I had since had a polyp grow on my cervix. This was from the fertility meds that we took during the process. Not everyone develops these from the meds, but my levels would go down than triple the next day because my body was being hard headed. The problem was that it wasn’t just a small polyp that many women get, it was huge and it took them about 55 minutes to do the 10 minute procedure. Basically they had to get through the polyp because it was blocking the entrance to my uterus. After what I now call the most traumatic/painful part of the process was done, Justin and I got to watch as 2 beautiful embryos were placed in me. It was emotional and surreal. Our 2 best babies had been placed in me, now it was my turn to take care of them.
Now the wait began. I did have to have a Progesterone shot every night to help my uterine lining. If you want to see a BIG needle, go to youtube and type in PIO (Progesterone in Oil) shot. Knowing that it was helping keep those2 embryos in me though made the pain ok. Unfortunately this shot gave you all the normal feelings of a pregnant woman. It is the actual hormone that makes you feel all of those feelings and I was shooting a good amount into me. That really messes with your head!
On Tuesday the 15th, 1 week after the transfer I started to spot. Not much, but enough to have me call my nurse because I was on edge about everything abnormal. They were not concerned since it was just a little bit of blood and said it is actually normal. It continued to be a small amount until I woke up in the middle of the night Wednesday night/Thursday morning and at this point it was a lot of fresh blood. I let Thursday play out some to see if it would slow down but I sent my nurse an e-mail. After a meeting at 1:00 I got a call asking me to go ahead and come up. We were not supposed to do a pregnancy test until Monday but they wanted to do that and check my progesterone levels. They upped my progesterone that night.
So Friday the 18th we had an appointment that morning. All they did was take blood. They did not do an exam in case it was my polyp bleeding, they didn’t want to make it bleed more. Basically if it was what we feared it was, there was nothing that can be done. We came back home and waited on the call. Usually if my nurse calls me, she calls me as soon as they get results, but if my doctor wants to talk to me it usually takes a little longer. It was taking a little longer. It really isn’t abnormal for Dr. Craig to call me because she feels very connected to us and has been the one to call us multiple times, but I wanted my nurse to call so that I knew it was no big deal. I got the call and it was Dr. Craig on the phone. I told her I knew it was a bad thing if she was calling, and she said she would have grabbed our folder either way but yes it wasn’t good. It didn’t work. She cried with me on the phone for about 15 minutes as we just processed. She explained what the next step would be when we are ready.
So that is where we are at. I know your question after all of this is what is the next step? Well first I have to have surgery to remove the polyp. She wants it gone before we do another transfer. The polyp doesn’t affect anything pregnancy related, just causes pain when doing the transfer procedure. It is too large to remove in office so it is one we have to schedule a surgery day where they put me under anesthesia.
Thankfully we had 6 embryos (other than the ones they put in me) that were good quality (13 of them stopped growing, which is normal). We ‘froze’ those 6 so that they can be used at a later date. Having those frozen means we do not have to go through all of the IVF again. Basically I will have to take some shots, but nothing like before, and only go up there a handful of times. Once they think my body is in the place it can handle it, they transfer a few of the frozen embryos into me.
My question is just like yours – why in the world would we think it would work next time. Her reply was simple and practical. Basically there is no “reason” that it didn’t work, she cannot find anything wrong other than the ovulation in me and we got over that using the egg retrieval. She said that sometimes though, our body is so unnaturally hormonal from the IVF procedure that our bodies reject the eggs. She said that when patients with my history go through a frozen cycle (FET) that they have very good results because their body is more in the ‘normal’ state. If you know me, you know I am a realist, and this was the only thing that has comforted me.
My body is going back to the “Pre-IVF” form. My ovaries had gotten SOOOOO large that it was miserable. In the past week and a half I have lost 8 pounds. It was pure water weight from all of the fluid in my ovaries. I am finally being able to sleep more than an hour at a time without having to get up to use the restroom. I guess these are both good things to be thankful for.
So that is the story. To say that Justin and I are sad is an understatement. We are devastated. We believe life starts at conception and conception started the day of the egg retrieval. These babies were very real and we very much feel like we lost 2 children. Our doctor gave us a picture of them on the day of the transfer and it was so crazy how instantly attached we felt. Of course I feel an extra burden because it was my body that rejected them. Every day it is a struggle to not be an emotional wreck. I think we are also both in shock. That was the hardest 6 weeks we have had in our entire life. We felt like we were tested in every way possible. We just cannot believe it didn’t work. We always had IVF in our back pocket, knowing if everything else failed, that would work. We were wrong and it hurts.
We will be ok. We are fighters and we are believers that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. We don’t think we are as strong as He thinks we are though. Right now we are just trying to make it day by day. That is all we really know how to do. There is no rule book on what to do in these situations. We just have to trust God and allow him to comfort us. As the song says, sometimes he calms the storms but other times he calms his child. Keep us in your prayers.
J&M
The last post I made was about our crazy back and forth schedule during the IVF process. So I think it would be best for me to pick up where I left off.
After my last post we had 4 more days of appointments and then the egg retrieval happened on Saturday the 5th. This process involves me being put under anesthesia and they go into my ovaries with a needle and poke each follicle (remember I had almost 20 in each side) and get the egg out of the follicle. This only took about 45 minutes and I woke up in a pretty good amount of pain. Most women have about 10-15 eggs retrieved TOPS, but I had 39 which is because of my age and the fact that I have PCOS (I asked if I broke the record but I didn’t!). Being that many eggs kept my chances of Ovarian Hyper stimulation up because there is fluid from each follicle that is still in the ovaries. Basically after the procedure I had to ‘recover’ for about an hour until they could get the pain under control and then they released me. I got in the car, knocked out and woke up when he told me we were home. We had planned on staying up there, but I wanted to be in my own bed when I felt bad so he made that happen. He said on the way home every bump he hit I would wake up and say ouch. I don’t remember much.
The next few days were hard. I felt like I had literally been cut open in my lower tummy. I could not walk standing straight up because of how bad it hurt (my enlarged ovaries). I had to urinate every 15 minutes and it drove me crazy. We did figure out later that the reason for that was because my ovaries were so large that they were pressing on my bladder and I was getting rid of all of the fluid from the IV.
They call you with an update of your eggs (now embryos) daily. By Sunday, just a day after the procedure, we had 21 that had been fertilized. We knew all 39 weren’t mature enough to fertilize, but they remove them so that you don’t get really sick. Leaving them would have caused me to overstimulated more which would have required a hospital stay. They were the eggs that weren’t meant to make it.
I attempted work on Monday and actually made it all day. I was in so much pain from pushing myself that if I could change something that is one of the things I would change. I felt better mentally because I got some things off my pending to do list but I am not sure it was the best time to do that. We got a call on Monday the 7th saying that they wanted to do the transfer on Tuesday the 8th. Basically this is a procedure that we had a practice run of back in December and it takes about 10 minutes to put the eggs back in. I am not under any anesthesia, it isn’t a big deal. Or it least it wasn’t then.
Of course we break the mold on everything so the transfer wasn’t what we expected. Our practice run had gone smooth a few weeks earlier, but I had since had a polyp grow on my cervix. This was from the fertility meds that we took during the process. Not everyone develops these from the meds, but my levels would go down than triple the next day because my body was being hard headed. The problem was that it wasn’t just a small polyp that many women get, it was huge and it took them about 55 minutes to do the 10 minute procedure. Basically they had to get through the polyp because it was blocking the entrance to my uterus. After what I now call the most traumatic/painful part of the process was done, Justin and I got to watch as 2 beautiful embryos were placed in me. It was emotional and surreal. Our 2 best babies had been placed in me, now it was my turn to take care of them.
Now the wait began. I did have to have a Progesterone shot every night to help my uterine lining. If you want to see a BIG needle, go to youtube and type in PIO (Progesterone in Oil) shot. Knowing that it was helping keep those2 embryos in me though made the pain ok. Unfortunately this shot gave you all the normal feelings of a pregnant woman. It is the actual hormone that makes you feel all of those feelings and I was shooting a good amount into me. That really messes with your head!
On Tuesday the 15th, 1 week after the transfer I started to spot. Not much, but enough to have me call my nurse because I was on edge about everything abnormal. They were not concerned since it was just a little bit of blood and said it is actually normal. It continued to be a small amount until I woke up in the middle of the night Wednesday night/Thursday morning and at this point it was a lot of fresh blood. I let Thursday play out some to see if it would slow down but I sent my nurse an e-mail. After a meeting at 1:00 I got a call asking me to go ahead and come up. We were not supposed to do a pregnancy test until Monday but they wanted to do that and check my progesterone levels. They upped my progesterone that night.
So Friday the 18th we had an appointment that morning. All they did was take blood. They did not do an exam in case it was my polyp bleeding, they didn’t want to make it bleed more. Basically if it was what we feared it was, there was nothing that can be done. We came back home and waited on the call. Usually if my nurse calls me, she calls me as soon as they get results, but if my doctor wants to talk to me it usually takes a little longer. It was taking a little longer. It really isn’t abnormal for Dr. Craig to call me because she feels very connected to us and has been the one to call us multiple times, but I wanted my nurse to call so that I knew it was no big deal. I got the call and it was Dr. Craig on the phone. I told her I knew it was a bad thing if she was calling, and she said she would have grabbed our folder either way but yes it wasn’t good. It didn’t work. She cried with me on the phone for about 15 minutes as we just processed. She explained what the next step would be when we are ready.
So that is where we are at. I know your question after all of this is what is the next step? Well first I have to have surgery to remove the polyp. She wants it gone before we do another transfer. The polyp doesn’t affect anything pregnancy related, just causes pain when doing the transfer procedure. It is too large to remove in office so it is one we have to schedule a surgery day where they put me under anesthesia.
Thankfully we had 6 embryos (other than the ones they put in me) that were good quality (13 of them stopped growing, which is normal). We ‘froze’ those 6 so that they can be used at a later date. Having those frozen means we do not have to go through all of the IVF again. Basically I will have to take some shots, but nothing like before, and only go up there a handful of times. Once they think my body is in the place it can handle it, they transfer a few of the frozen embryos into me.
My question is just like yours – why in the world would we think it would work next time. Her reply was simple and practical. Basically there is no “reason” that it didn’t work, she cannot find anything wrong other than the ovulation in me and we got over that using the egg retrieval. She said that sometimes though, our body is so unnaturally hormonal from the IVF procedure that our bodies reject the eggs. She said that when patients with my history go through a frozen cycle (FET) that they have very good results because their body is more in the ‘normal’ state. If you know me, you know I am a realist, and this was the only thing that has comforted me.
My body is going back to the “Pre-IVF” form. My ovaries had gotten SOOOOO large that it was miserable. In the past week and a half I have lost 8 pounds. It was pure water weight from all of the fluid in my ovaries. I am finally being able to sleep more than an hour at a time without having to get up to use the restroom. I guess these are both good things to be thankful for.
So that is the story. To say that Justin and I are sad is an understatement. We are devastated. We believe life starts at conception and conception started the day of the egg retrieval. These babies were very real and we very much feel like we lost 2 children. Our doctor gave us a picture of them on the day of the transfer and it was so crazy how instantly attached we felt. Of course I feel an extra burden because it was my body that rejected them. Every day it is a struggle to not be an emotional wreck. I think we are also both in shock. That was the hardest 6 weeks we have had in our entire life. We felt like we were tested in every way possible. We just cannot believe it didn’t work. We always had IVF in our back pocket, knowing if everything else failed, that would work. We were wrong and it hurts.
We will be ok. We are fighters and we are believers that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. We don’t think we are as strong as He thinks we are though. Right now we are just trying to make it day by day. That is all we really know how to do. There is no rule book on what to do in these situations. We just have to trust God and allow him to comfort us. As the song says, sometimes he calms the storms but other times he calms his child. Keep us in your prayers.
J&M
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Home Sick
We have been gone and I know a lot of you are wondering what in the world is going on and why I have been MIA. We have been gone lots more than we planned. Well here was our agenda last week (we didn't know what the next day held until it came).
Sunday night - Drove to OKC
Monday morning appt - 7:30 AM. We then drove home and worked half a day. Got a call that they needed us back Tuesday so we drove back up after work Monday to sleep.
Tuesday morning appt- 7:30. We then drove home and worked half a day. Got a call that they needed us back thursday - so we got to sleep at HOME.
Wednesday - worked all day then left that evening to sleep in OKC
Thursday morning - appt -7:30. We then drove home and worked half a day. Got a call they needed us back Friday so we drove up that night to sleep.
Friday morning - appt 7:30. We then drove home to work half a day. We got a call they needed us Saturday. We wanted to sleep in our bed and we needed to do laundry so we stayed home.
Saturday morning - woke up at 4:30 to get ready and go to OKC. We had an appt at 8:00. We hung around town to hear the results - got a call they needed us again on Sunday so we stayed the night.
Sunday - had appt at 8AM. She said we have to be there Monday at 11AM so we came home to do more laundry and re-pack for colder weather.
Monday - We had out appt and she needed us again today (Tuesday). She stressed to us that we cannot miss an appt due to the weather because it could not only ruin the whole thing but it could be dangerous to my health. She uses each appt to determine my medicine dose for that evening.
So here we are in OKC again during a blizzard.
We didn't have an appt until noon today with the hopes that some of the roads would be cleared some by the road crews. We stayed a mile away from the clinic to ensure we could get there. She calls us this morning and she has a 22 mile drive but is coming JUST FOR US. So we head there. OKC has been bad - it snowed A LOT and was in a whiteout phase for a while. We got all the way to the clinic then got stuck - the road to her office hadn't been cleared yet and she had went another way and didn't know that. Dr. Craig was the only one that came - nurses couldn't make it - and when she called and heard we were stuck she walked 2 blocks in the cold from where she was parked and brought a shovel. She got down on her hands and knees helping us dig out snow so we could get out. After about 15 minutes in the bitter cold, she got in the driver side of my car as Justin pushed and they got us out. Justin ran beside the car because we didn't want to lose momentum and jumps in. We make it to the ER at OU medical because that was the clearest road. Since none of the people made it we had to go there to get my blood drawn. She took us to Labor and delivery and got us in a delivery suite and set up the ultrasound to check me since that was the only place where a good enough one was (still not near as nice as hers!). Yes you read all of that right - our million dollar doctor was digging snow out from around our car on her hands and knees. We were amazed!
So today to say that we bonded more than ever with her is an understatement. We got close today. We already liked her and respected her as a doctor before today, but in Justin's words "we now respect her as a human being.' She showed so much compassion and how much she genuinely cared. To be honest she could have canceled on us today and stayed safe. she could have cancelled our cycle and had us start again but she didn't.
As we left her she said - You have to get pregnant after this - what a great story to share with you child! What a great outlook. God took a crazy situation - I mean after last week we didn't think it could get any harder but that was before we realized it would be blizzard like weather - and made us be even more grateful.
Over the past week and a half we have had so many scares. At first my body overreacted to the medicine. It got to the point they were going to stop treatment so that I didn't overstimulate. She lowered my dose over a few days which helped. Then I stopped responding period. One of my nurses told me that she had never seen someone change that drastically. They almost had to stop treatment again because I just stopped working (Of course with my body this happens!). Then it snapped all back together. We were NOT prepared to have to spend this much time in OKC but all of that was unexpected. To be honest, as inconvenient as it has been to be up here, it has been very comforting to both of us knowing she is checking on me every day. I have felt pain that is very unusual pain and that can be scary when you have no clue what it means.
So that is where I have been friends - we feel like we have been on the run. We will have an appt in the morning (Wednesday) and at least one more day this week and then hopefully only 1 day up here next week. We are exhausted - physically and emotionally. My body is working harder than ever which makes you more tired normally - not adding in the fact of spending 5+ hours a day on the road most days.
God has allowed other people to show us so much compassion during this. First off our bosses, they have been so supported and taken the stress of work out of this equation. They realize how stressful it is already and they have really eased our worries about work and allowed us to focus on this. My mom has been a huge help with taking care of Emma (our dog). We have been able to call and say we are leaving again and not worry another thought about her being taken care of. So many of you guys have either sent a text or an e-mail reminding us that you are praying for us. What a blessing. Our doctors and nurses - we have seen them more than most people and they have really taken care of us. Our nurses are those people who seem like your best friend - they talk to you and spend the time you need to make you feel better and for you to understand what is going on. They are just good people - ones I will miss when this is over.
This process has been hard, and isn't even halfway over yet but God has taught us so much! He is amazing! My mom texted me last night and said "Maybe God sent the snow storm so that work was cancelled for a day and you didn't have to think about missing it!" Love the perspective!
This was a long post. I felt like I had just ran off and left everyone. We are alive and we are safe. We are having to take this day by day and are sooooooo grateful for the prayers from each of you. Love you all and hope to see you SOON! We miss work and we miss home!!!!
Sunday night - Drove to OKC
Monday morning appt - 7:30 AM. We then drove home and worked half a day. Got a call that they needed us back Tuesday so we drove back up after work Monday to sleep.
Tuesday morning appt- 7:30. We then drove home and worked half a day. Got a call that they needed us back thursday - so we got to sleep at HOME.
Wednesday - worked all day then left that evening to sleep in OKC
Thursday morning - appt -7:30. We then drove home and worked half a day. Got a call they needed us back Friday so we drove up that night to sleep.
Friday morning - appt 7:30. We then drove home to work half a day. We got a call they needed us Saturday. We wanted to sleep in our bed and we needed to do laundry so we stayed home.
Saturday morning - woke up at 4:30 to get ready and go to OKC. We had an appt at 8:00. We hung around town to hear the results - got a call they needed us again on Sunday so we stayed the night.
Sunday - had appt at 8AM. She said we have to be there Monday at 11AM so we came home to do more laundry and re-pack for colder weather.
Monday - We had out appt and she needed us again today (Tuesday). She stressed to us that we cannot miss an appt due to the weather because it could not only ruin the whole thing but it could be dangerous to my health. She uses each appt to determine my medicine dose for that evening.
So here we are in OKC again during a blizzard.
We didn't have an appt until noon today with the hopes that some of the roads would be cleared some by the road crews. We stayed a mile away from the clinic to ensure we could get there. She calls us this morning and she has a 22 mile drive but is coming JUST FOR US. So we head there. OKC has been bad - it snowed A LOT and was in a whiteout phase for a while. We got all the way to the clinic then got stuck - the road to her office hadn't been cleared yet and she had went another way and didn't know that. Dr. Craig was the only one that came - nurses couldn't make it - and when she called and heard we were stuck she walked 2 blocks in the cold from where she was parked and brought a shovel. She got down on her hands and knees helping us dig out snow so we could get out. After about 15 minutes in the bitter cold, she got in the driver side of my car as Justin pushed and they got us out. Justin ran beside the car because we didn't want to lose momentum and jumps in. We make it to the ER at OU medical because that was the clearest road. Since none of the people made it we had to go there to get my blood drawn. She took us to Labor and delivery and got us in a delivery suite and set up the ultrasound to check me since that was the only place where a good enough one was (still not near as nice as hers!). Yes you read all of that right - our million dollar doctor was digging snow out from around our car on her hands and knees. We were amazed!
So today to say that we bonded more than ever with her is an understatement. We got close today. We already liked her and respected her as a doctor before today, but in Justin's words "we now respect her as a human being.' She showed so much compassion and how much she genuinely cared. To be honest she could have canceled on us today and stayed safe. she could have cancelled our cycle and had us start again but she didn't.
As we left her she said - You have to get pregnant after this - what a great story to share with you child! What a great outlook. God took a crazy situation - I mean after last week we didn't think it could get any harder but that was before we realized it would be blizzard like weather - and made us be even more grateful.
Over the past week and a half we have had so many scares. At first my body overreacted to the medicine. It got to the point they were going to stop treatment so that I didn't overstimulate. She lowered my dose over a few days which helped. Then I stopped responding period. One of my nurses told me that she had never seen someone change that drastically. They almost had to stop treatment again because I just stopped working (Of course with my body this happens!). Then it snapped all back together. We were NOT prepared to have to spend this much time in OKC but all of that was unexpected. To be honest, as inconvenient as it has been to be up here, it has been very comforting to both of us knowing she is checking on me every day. I have felt pain that is very unusual pain and that can be scary when you have no clue what it means.
So that is where I have been friends - we feel like we have been on the run. We will have an appt in the morning (Wednesday) and at least one more day this week and then hopefully only 1 day up here next week. We are exhausted - physically and emotionally. My body is working harder than ever which makes you more tired normally - not adding in the fact of spending 5+ hours a day on the road most days.
God has allowed other people to show us so much compassion during this. First off our bosses, they have been so supported and taken the stress of work out of this equation. They realize how stressful it is already and they have really eased our worries about work and allowed us to focus on this. My mom has been a huge help with taking care of Emma (our dog). We have been able to call and say we are leaving again and not worry another thought about her being taken care of. So many of you guys have either sent a text or an e-mail reminding us that you are praying for us. What a blessing. Our doctors and nurses - we have seen them more than most people and they have really taken care of us. Our nurses are those people who seem like your best friend - they talk to you and spend the time you need to make you feel better and for you to understand what is going on. They are just good people - ones I will miss when this is over.
This process has been hard, and isn't even halfway over yet but God has taught us so much! He is amazing! My mom texted me last night and said "Maybe God sent the snow storm so that work was cancelled for a day and you didn't have to think about missing it!" Love the perspective!
This was a long post. I felt like I had just ran off and left everyone. We are alive and we are safe. We are having to take this day by day and are sooooooo grateful for the prayers from each of you. Love you all and hope to see you SOON! We miss work and we miss home!!!!
Monday, January 17, 2011
And we're off!
Well this is the week that things start getting hectic!!! We have to go to OKC on Thursday for our baseline appointment. This is where we pay and get started. We have already started the shot process (which are going great - Justin is getting to be a pro at being a doctor!) Over the next 6 weeks we will live in the city as much as we will live here. Some weeks it will be appointments at least every other day.
Please pray for safe travels. This is a lot of time on the road and I know it is going to be exhausting. Just pray that Justin stays alert as we travel and that I help by being a good co pilot!
Please pray for the doctors and nurses. We have tremendous faith in their knowledge and ability but they are very human. Pray for strength and knowledge as they do all of these procedures on my body.
Pray for God's will. This is hard because we all want God's will to be for this to work, but please pray that if this is not his timing that he makes us patient because His timing is best.
Knowing how detailed every step of this process is just reminds me how much God is involved in this. Without his blessing, this could never be something that worked for anyone. Every detailed step just reminds me how much of a miracle modern medicine can be and how it can be used for God's glory. He has brought us to this point for a reason. We have gained so much patience and a craving for His timing in our lives. We see how much of a blessing from God a child would be to our lives and without going through all of these trials I do not think we would have been able to see his hand intervene to help us. It has been a wonderful reminder that All good and perfect gifts come from Him - they have nothing to do with our ability.
This will be my last post most likely until this process is over. Because of the sensitive nature of this, please do not ask if we are pregnant in 8 weeks. Even if this process works, the first 10 weeks will be very critical since the miscarriage rate is so high. No matter what happens, I will let you all know our progress as we feel is best to share.
We love you each very much and appreciate all the love, support and prayers you give us!
Please pray for safe travels. This is a lot of time on the road and I know it is going to be exhausting. Just pray that Justin stays alert as we travel and that I help by being a good co pilot!
Please pray for the doctors and nurses. We have tremendous faith in their knowledge and ability but they are very human. Pray for strength and knowledge as they do all of these procedures on my body.
Pray for God's will. This is hard because we all want God's will to be for this to work, but please pray that if this is not his timing that he makes us patient because His timing is best.
Knowing how detailed every step of this process is just reminds me how much God is involved in this. Without his blessing, this could never be something that worked for anyone. Every detailed step just reminds me how much of a miracle modern medicine can be and how it can be used for God's glory. He has brought us to this point for a reason. We have gained so much patience and a craving for His timing in our lives. We see how much of a blessing from God a child would be to our lives and without going through all of these trials I do not think we would have been able to see his hand intervene to help us. It has been a wonderful reminder that All good and perfect gifts come from Him - they have nothing to do with our ability.
This will be my last post most likely until this process is over. Because of the sensitive nature of this, please do not ask if we are pregnant in 8 weeks. Even if this process works, the first 10 weeks will be very critical since the miscarriage rate is so high. No matter what happens, I will let you all know our progress as we feel is best to share.
We love you each very much and appreciate all the love, support and prayers you give us!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Not for the weak at heart
We have gotten a lot of questions lately about what has been going on and I know I have been horrible about keeping this up so that everyone can follow us on this journey.
Really this month has consisted in lots of waiting. That is a good thing because it has been a busy month at work which has in turn made me not as impatient to start.
On the 23rd we had my pre-IVF workup. They did a practice transfer so they could measure how far they will need to go in and place the eggs when it is time. They also did a saline sonogram (OUCH!) to make sure I didn't have any abnormal cysts or growths that would cause a problem. If they would have found some I would have had to have surgery to remove them before we could proceed so that was a sigh of relief. They also did shot teaching. They basically showed us all the different shots I was going to have to give myself and they taught both Justin and I how to give them. It was overwhelming to say the least. All in all it was a good appointment. We had lots of time to talk to our IVF nurse and Dr. Craig. Our nurse has been wonderful - she even gave me her e-mail address so that I can e-mail her every time I have a question - bless her heart! I have never been around kinder people. They are so encouraging and patient with our nerves.
On January 3rd we have an appointment for Justin's pre-IVF workup. His is nothing like mine - not painful at all which isn't fair and I keep reminding him! ;) After that appointment we have finished all of our pre-workups.
We received the package of shots today. They do not sell this stuff at normal pharmacies so you have to order it through the clinic and they go through a fertility place. When we opened the box I think our hearts dropped seeing it all. This is what we opened:
This is everything
Really this month has consisted in lots of waiting. That is a good thing because it has been a busy month at work which has in turn made me not as impatient to start.
On the 23rd we had my pre-IVF workup. They did a practice transfer so they could measure how far they will need to go in and place the eggs when it is time. They also did a saline sonogram (OUCH!) to make sure I didn't have any abnormal cysts or growths that would cause a problem. If they would have found some I would have had to have surgery to remove them before we could proceed so that was a sigh of relief. They also did shot teaching. They basically showed us all the different shots I was going to have to give myself and they taught both Justin and I how to give them. It was overwhelming to say the least. All in all it was a good appointment. We had lots of time to talk to our IVF nurse and Dr. Craig. Our nurse has been wonderful - she even gave me her e-mail address so that I can e-mail her every time I have a question - bless her heart! I have never been around kinder people. They are so encouraging and patient with our nerves.
On January 3rd we have an appointment for Justin's pre-IVF workup. His is nothing like mine - not painful at all which isn't fair and I keep reminding him! ;) After that appointment we have finished all of our pre-workups.
We received the package of shots today. They do not sell this stuff at normal pharmacies so you have to order it through the clinic and they go through a fertility place. When we opened the box I think our hearts dropped seeing it all. This is what we opened:
This is everything
These are just the packs of needles
This is the refrigerated bag for some of it. It has to be kept cold.
This is a visual so you can tell the size of the needles.
We will start using those on January 9th. I will be taking shots for the next few months. We don't have another appointment until January 20th and we will know more about the next step then. The crazy thing about all of this is that even though we know the process, we will not know everything WE have to do until it gets here. Everyone is different and she said it is a day by day thing. She said it could be to the point of being there every other day for a little bit because she wants to make sure I am ok. There are so many dates on our crazy calendar that they gave us that are 'possible' appointment days. We will not know if we need to be there until at the most 24 hours before during some of the parts.
We are very stressed and nervous about what we are fixing to endure but we are so very hopeful and grateful to be starting this leg of the journey.
Keep us in your prayers my friends! Also say a special prayer that no injuries are caused by passing out from needles! :)
J & M
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Here we go...
Well friends it has been a while since I have posted.
Last time you heard from me on here we were about to try a new drug called Femara. It works a lot like Clomid, just different enough that it works for lots of people who do not have success with Clomid. We tried that and it didn’t work for us.
So at the start of November we met with our wonderful Doctor. After discussing all of our options we decided to go ahead and start InVitro Fertilization (IVF). This was not a decision we came by lightly, it was after lots of prayers and research and really discussing other options with our doctor. Even though this is a very expensive procedure, our chances are the best with it and the chances of lots of multiples are less with it which in turn makes it safer for us.
We will not be doing this until February. We have some ‘pre-ivf’ procedures and tests that we have to do first and then it is a process to begin.
I will explain a little bit on what will happen.
1. She put me on birth control. (I know, I thought it was funny too that a fertility doctor prescribed birth control!) This will ‘turn off’ my body even though it really wasn’t working to begin with. This will allow her to be able to give me medicine to make me do things she needs my body to do at different times.
2. The first week in January we will start taking shots. This is a scary part. I will have to be administering my own shots. We will start out with 1 a day but will get to 3 a day. The shots basically make me have lots of eggs developing.
3. Next we will go to her for the egg retrieval (February). They will put me under anesthesia and go in and get lots of these developed eggs. She will then combine them with his sperm and put them in an incubator that reflects my body for 3-5 days.
4. Whichever day – between day 3 and 5 – the eggs look mature we will schedule the implantation. Lots of the eggs she removes will die off – just like they would during a period. Some just aren’t made to develop into a baby. She will be able to grade them and she knows what grade has a chance of making it and which ones will end up in miscarriage for sure. (Even the high grade ones can end in miscarriage though, and your chance when doing IVF is higher than most with having a miscarriage)
5. Next we will implant 2 of the highest grade eggs in me. This does not mean we will for sure have 2 babies – it just gives us a higher chance of having one since they could very easily not implant.
6. After this we go home and we wait 2 weeks. We will then go back up for blood tests over a few day period to see if it worked.
If we go through all of these steps and it works, then we will be seeing ultra sounds and hearing a heartbeat VERY early. I will be considered very high risk and will be with Dr. Craig at the fertility clinic my first trimester. If I can make it past that, then we will still be high risk but we will be able to go back to my normal OBGYN.
If you are anything like us then reading this exhaust s you because the thought of all of this exhausts us. This is going to be a very emotionally, physically and mentally draining process not to mention crazy expensive and insurance won’t cover a thing!
I will say this though. We are SO very grateful that we have this option left. We know we are at the end of the road and this is it – the last chance – but we are so grateful for a knowledgeable doctor that specializes in making having a baby still a possibility.
This journey has been crazy. Two years of hopes and disappointments. We are ready for this step. We are ready to go all out and give it our best shot. Hopefully by the end of next year we will have a little baby that we have all been praying for.
Please keep praying friends, now more than ever. We are stressed to the max thinking about all of this and planning all of this. They basically sent us a calendar of our life that we have to follow the next 3 months and it is very intimidating.
It is in God’s hands. We have a peace that this is the step he wants us to take and we are just ready to see what happens. I love you friends and appreciate you all so much!
Last time you heard from me on here we were about to try a new drug called Femara. It works a lot like Clomid, just different enough that it works for lots of people who do not have success with Clomid. We tried that and it didn’t work for us.
So at the start of November we met with our wonderful Doctor. After discussing all of our options we decided to go ahead and start InVitro Fertilization (IVF). This was not a decision we came by lightly, it was after lots of prayers and research and really discussing other options with our doctor. Even though this is a very expensive procedure, our chances are the best with it and the chances of lots of multiples are less with it which in turn makes it safer for us.
We will not be doing this until February. We have some ‘pre-ivf’ procedures and tests that we have to do first and then it is a process to begin.
I will explain a little bit on what will happen.
1. She put me on birth control. (I know, I thought it was funny too that a fertility doctor prescribed birth control!) This will ‘turn off’ my body even though it really wasn’t working to begin with. This will allow her to be able to give me medicine to make me do things she needs my body to do at different times.
2. The first week in January we will start taking shots. This is a scary part. I will have to be administering my own shots. We will start out with 1 a day but will get to 3 a day. The shots basically make me have lots of eggs developing.
3. Next we will go to her for the egg retrieval (February). They will put me under anesthesia and go in and get lots of these developed eggs. She will then combine them with his sperm and put them in an incubator that reflects my body for 3-5 days.
4. Whichever day – between day 3 and 5 – the eggs look mature we will schedule the implantation. Lots of the eggs she removes will die off – just like they would during a period. Some just aren’t made to develop into a baby. She will be able to grade them and she knows what grade has a chance of making it and which ones will end up in miscarriage for sure. (Even the high grade ones can end in miscarriage though, and your chance when doing IVF is higher than most with having a miscarriage)
5. Next we will implant 2 of the highest grade eggs in me. This does not mean we will for sure have 2 babies – it just gives us a higher chance of having one since they could very easily not implant.
6. After this we go home and we wait 2 weeks. We will then go back up for blood tests over a few day period to see if it worked.
If we go through all of these steps and it works, then we will be seeing ultra sounds and hearing a heartbeat VERY early. I will be considered very high risk and will be with Dr. Craig at the fertility clinic my first trimester. If I can make it past that, then we will still be high risk but we will be able to go back to my normal OBGYN.
If you are anything like us then reading this exhaust s you because the thought of all of this exhausts us. This is going to be a very emotionally, physically and mentally draining process not to mention crazy expensive and insurance won’t cover a thing!
I will say this though. We are SO very grateful that we have this option left. We know we are at the end of the road and this is it – the last chance – but we are so grateful for a knowledgeable doctor that specializes in making having a baby still a possibility.
This journey has been crazy. Two years of hopes and disappointments. We are ready for this step. We are ready to go all out and give it our best shot. Hopefully by the end of next year we will have a little baby that we have all been praying for.
Please keep praying friends, now more than ever. We are stressed to the max thinking about all of this and planning all of this. They basically sent us a calendar of our life that we have to follow the next 3 months and it is very intimidating.
It is in God’s hands. We have a peace that this is the step he wants us to take and we are just ready to see what happens. I love you friends and appreciate you all so much!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Trying something new
Time for an update again! I got blood drawn on Thursday and they said they wouldn't get it to my doctor until Monday. Well Friday I was surprised when I got the call with the results. Once again it didn't work. :(
Good news though - we are starting a new medicine. It is called Femara and it works a lot like Clomid. It is used to help ovulation. We are only trying 1 month of this and they called me in the highest dosage instead of gradually leading to it. I am a little nervous about the effect it will have on me being something new and being so strong but the good news is that since they got the results to me by Friday that I will be taking the medicine during Fall Break when I am off work. That is a huge relief!
I asked my nurse Bethney what happens if this doesn't work either. She said that we will be coming to have a visit with Dr. Craig to determine a game plan. Most likely the next step they usually recommend is injections. These are extremely expensive with lots of risks tagged along. Also it is time consuming - she said it would require us being up there in OKC every 3 days. My stress level went through the roof when I heard that considering now until the end of the year is my busiest time at work.
I talked to Bethney about my blood tests now being rejected by my insurance company because it is even being coded as fertility and she told me that getting that test done there - at the specialty fertility office - is $100 cheaper than here at JCMH! She is trying to find the closest DLO to see what they charge. Hopefully we can find something cheaper since it is having to be done every 4 weeks!
God has really been teaching Justin and I a lot through this. We are really learning about patience and about how waiting on God's timing makes situations so much better. Right now we are praying hard that this round of new medicine works, but if it isn't the right time, we are praying that God gives us the peace and answers to know what we need to do next. So many new decisions are coming if this round doesn't work and we want to make sure that we are right in the middle of God's will. We want a baby very bad, but we want to follow Christ more. Whatever He has planned for our lives, we will be grateful for.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we continue this very long journey. We do still have hope that good things are coming!
Good news though - we are starting a new medicine. It is called Femara and it works a lot like Clomid. It is used to help ovulation. We are only trying 1 month of this and they called me in the highest dosage instead of gradually leading to it. I am a little nervous about the effect it will have on me being something new and being so strong but the good news is that since they got the results to me by Friday that I will be taking the medicine during Fall Break when I am off work. That is a huge relief!
I asked my nurse Bethney what happens if this doesn't work either. She said that we will be coming to have a visit with Dr. Craig to determine a game plan. Most likely the next step they usually recommend is injections. These are extremely expensive with lots of risks tagged along. Also it is time consuming - she said it would require us being up there in OKC every 3 days. My stress level went through the roof when I heard that considering now until the end of the year is my busiest time at work.
I talked to Bethney about my blood tests now being rejected by my insurance company because it is even being coded as fertility and she told me that getting that test done there - at the specialty fertility office - is $100 cheaper than here at JCMH! She is trying to find the closest DLO to see what they charge. Hopefully we can find something cheaper since it is having to be done every 4 weeks!
God has really been teaching Justin and I a lot through this. We are really learning about patience and about how waiting on God's timing makes situations so much better. Right now we are praying hard that this round of new medicine works, but if it isn't the right time, we are praying that God gives us the peace and answers to know what we need to do next. So many new decisions are coming if this round doesn't work and we want to make sure that we are right in the middle of God's will. We want a baby very bad, but we want to follow Christ more. Whatever He has planned for our lives, we will be grateful for.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we continue this very long journey. We do still have hope that good things are coming!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)