35 Weeks

I haven’t posted in a while because life has been crazy!

We had a wonderful baby shower at my work! We got so many things and feel overly blessed to have so many sweet people in our life!

I have been fighting some sickness the past week. I have had a head cold and a cough and went to the doctor. He gave me a Z-Pack and it seems to be helping slowly. While at the doctor they took my blood pressure and pulse and both were high. They made me come back that afternoon to check again. It was still high so they had me give a urine sample to test my protein and while we waited on results they had me lay in a room with the lights off for about 30 minutes and just rest. They kept coming in and checking on me and finally checked my blood pressure and pulse and it had gone down. My urine also came back ok so they let me go. If it wouldn’t have they were going to send me to Lawton to Dr. Lennon. Dr. Sheets really thinks that the Sudafed I took that morning is what made both go high. It is on my approved medicine list, but it does have that reaction he said. That was a little bit of a scare, but all turned out well!

I go back to Dr. Lennon tomorrow. I think she will start wanting to see me every week from here on out. I will be 35 weeks pregnant this week – 5 weeks left!

Last time I went to Dr. Lennon 2 weeks ago she checked and told me he had turned head down in the correct position to be born. He is getting ready! I have been feeling uncomfortable as he grows. I can feel every move he makes and with him getting so big there isn’t much room for him to move. I think a few times he has found different organs inside and started pulling on them just to see what would happen and it hurt! :)

Last night Justin was watching him just move all in my tummy and he would push a little at him and he would push him right back. He did it for at least 10 minutes. It is so cool that he is interacting with us.

We are getting ready. We were told to already have our hospital bag packed a few weeks back just in case but we just haven’t had the time. We went yesterday and bought all the things we need to pack my bag and the baby bag so that we are ready whenever this little boy gets ready. It is nice knowing that everything is in order so we don’t have to stress (more than we will be) when that time comes.

I cannot believe it is almost January and he is due in January. It use to feel like a while away but it is so near now. Of course I am getting scared a little bit, but I am also very ready for it to be here. Lots of people told me that God lets you be pregnant for 9 months so that you are so ready for the baby to come out that you do not get as scared of the labor. I am there for sure!

Please keep praying for this sweet little boy. He has a big few weeks coming up as he finishes off his development in my body and then gets to come into this crazy world. Please pray for a safe and healthy delivery and for the doctors that they have the knowledge to do what is best for him at each moment. Please keep Justin in your prayers. As excited as he is, I know he is very nervous as well making sure that both the baby and I are ok all the time. He goes above and beyond to do anything he can to make this as easy on me as possible. He is so excited to meet this little boy and I know when I go into labor he will be stressed. He is a fixer and it will be hard on him to not be able to take pain from me. And please keep me in your prayers. I have lots of fears about the labor and delivery part. I think a lot of it is just fear of the unknown. My body obviously doesn’t have a good track record with doing things normal so I am just praying hard that this is one thing that it does right so that this little boy come out healthy and safe.

Thank you all so much for caring about us the way you do. We couldn’t ask for better friends!

J&M

30 Weeks!

I cannot believe that our little man will be here in 10 weeks! That seems like tomorrow!

Well an update - first on me. I have been feeling good - and getting big! There is no hiding this baby bump anymore! The worst part is having to get new clothes! I hate spending money on stuff I will only wear a few months.

I took the Gestational Diabetes test again a few weeks ago and I missed passing it by 7 points. So I ended up having to take the 3 hour version. With this test I had to fast and then drink a glucose drink that is double the sugar as the last test and get my blood drawn 4 different times in a 3 hour span. I got the results today and I passed 2 of the 3 parts. She said that you have to fail at least 2 to have the gestational diabetes so I do not have it. The part I failed however is one that usually indicates that the baby will be big (I was already fearing that!). She said to watch my carb intake to help this but not to worry about that too much. She still wants me to enjoy all the Thanksgiving food! Ha!

She measured my tummy and said I was measuring perfect so he must not be too big yet. She wants to do another ultrasound before he is born to check his weight so she knows what to prepare for. Since my last appointment 2 weeks ago I have not gained any weight. She was pretty surprised with this I think since this is when you usually start packing it on. So I am thinking I will start gaining more soon. I am not sure how I have not gained since I can promise my tummy feels much bigger each day!

Justin and I have been attending birthing classes for the past few weeks over in Lawton. Some of the classes stuff was silly but some of it was really good. We got to tour the labor and delivery wing and that helped me the most. I like visualizing things - it just helps me prepare more. I am glad they are over with because going to Lawton every Wednesday from 7PM-9PM was wearing me out - but I am so glad we decided to do it.

We had a 4D ultrasound last week and this little guy did not want to cooperate. The ultrasound tech said that she thinks my diabetes test that I took that morning was the cause. Usually a little bit of sugar will make babies active, but she thinks he got too much and it knocked him out! She was shaking him and had me jump up and down and he did not budge. That is not like him at all since he is usually a wiggle worm!

We went back today to try again before my dr. appointment and he was back to his old self. He was actually a little too active! He wanted to keep his hand and feet in his mouth so we couldn't get a full face picture, but we did get some good ones. At one point he had both feet and hands on his face trying to eat each one! He was pretty cute to watch and it was so amazing how much you could see. She gave us a video at the end of the whole appointment so we have a 25 minute movie of him just moving around and making faces.

Here are some pictures.

This is of his face - he has his little hand in a fist by his face.

This is of the other side of his face. You can tell his hand is up but the other thing is his foot. You can't really tell here but she would move the thing around and you could see his toes.
This is his face again with his hand and his foot.

His eyes look weird here but she said they are open here. It is hard to tell but he is looking to the right side (his left). You can see his eyeball looking that way but mainly you just see the white of his eye. Kind of weird but kind of cool.

We have a disk of about 35 pictures - these are just a few of the good ones. It was really fun to see his personality come out some. She would shake my tummy to try and get him to stop eating his hand or foot and he would open his mouth almost like a scream and then make a funny face. He was reacting and that was pretty neat to watch.

Today was a fun day. Getting to see him (especially in 4D) just makes everything more real. I can feel him move all the time but getting to see him in action and see features on his face really makes us get more excited if that is possible!

He will be here soon!!!

6 1/2 months

Last week I went to the doctor. I was 25 weeks. She let us have an ultra sound even though insurance only pays for one with her. Since we have an IVF background she could justify this one. This was our last ultrasound with her. We have a 4D ultrasound scheduled at another place in November so that should be fun. After that we will not see him again until he is born!

The great news is she checked everything out and he looks like he is developing perfect. She was able to check brain function, deformities and his heart. She said he is looking wonderful!

When they weighed him he was already weighing in at 2lbs! He should be around a 1.5lbs. She asked our birth weight when we were born and said he may be taking after his daddy (9.4lbs)! As much as I am nervous and dreading him coming out a big baby - I am so thankful he is healthy and growing so great!

I go back to her in a few weeks. She wants to do the gestational diabetes test again even though it came back fine when we did it at 15 weeks. She said this is the normal time it is done so she wants to check it again just to be cautious. After this next appointment since I will be in my 3rd Trimester I will start going every 2 weeks! I cannot believe we have made it to the 3rd trimester! It has flown by!

Life is about to go even faster as the busiest time of year at work is approaching. I know that after this wonderful week off for Fall Break that it will be a sprint until January 1 and then he will be here shortly after. That thought scares me and excites me at the same time!

I have not been sleeping well and have been fighting migraines and backaches. I know those are normal but it has been rough just dealing with the same things every day. I am so grateful to be pregnant that I do not want to whine about anything that comes with it, but those are things I have been struggling with. I think after a few days of sleepless nights is when I feel the worst and cannot shake the pain. Lack of sleep really messes with you! It is only Tuesday of the break and I have already had multiple naps and I feel like a new person.

About this little boy - He is a very active little guy still. I can feel every move he makes and it is wonderful! He kicks me constantly and moves around a lot. I thought I was feeling him roll but during the ultrasound I was watching the screen and felt that feeling I had been feeling and on the screen he was stretching and grabbing his foot and stretching more. So I guess the "roll" feeling was his hands and head moving as he stretched! Justin and I lay in bed every night and just watch him kick. When I lay down is when he is most active so right at the beginning he will go crazy. My stomach looks like I am popping popcorn! He loves fruit and I eat lots of grapes, oranges and apples. He doesn't like chicken(which was my favorite) and has to be in the mood for Mexican food. I use to crave chocolate milk but that has went away and now it is regular milk. I have been drinking orange juice to try to keep my immune system healthy and he really isn't a fan of it, but it hasn't gotten to the point that I can't drink it anymore. He doesn't like cakes or chocolate too much and that has really been weird. I will pass up cake for fruit now and that is not like me! :) When he goes crazy kicking if I touch my stomach he keep kicking, but if Justin touches it and talks he calms down and stops. It is kind of weird that he senses him and knows his voice but it is so awesome.

Ok here are a few pictures from our last appointment. Expect more after the 4d ultrasound!

This one is a great one of his profile. He has his little hand up that you can see too.


This is one she got in 3D. It is a little distorted because the placenta is near his face. His nose looks big here but she said that when she clicks to 3D the sound bites combine in one spot and that is where they did on this shot.

This last one is the one that is the clearest. I think in this one he has my lips and Justin's nose. The eyes are still not clear enough. He looks like Justin when he is asleep but he may have my big eyes. His eyes should be opening now so that should help define that more. Of course he is developing so much every day that he will probably look much different in a few weeks when we see him again.


Growing him has been such a joy. We are loving every minute and cannot believe he is almost here! I love our little family and am so excited that we are at this point. I do not want to rush him because I want him to keep growing and getting healthy so I am not going to say that I cannot wait until he is here, but I cannot wait until that next chapter! He is our miracle boy and I love sharing our joy with you guys!

J&M

Nursery

We have been working on the nursery the past month. Justin has worked so hard remodeling the room. He started by replacing all the trim. I didn't realize how much trim can make a room look better until he did it! He also replaced a fan, refinished the window sill and painted all the walls. Instead of just doing 1 color we decided to be a little creative since our bedding has multiple colors in it. Working with some friends he came up with the square idea. He measured off and taped these squares so that they would be perfect - and I promise you he has them PERFECT! They look sooooo neat!

Our room had an old weird looking fan so we knew we wanted to replace it. We found this one and it is perfect. It is smaller than a regular fan so it almost looks like it is suppose to go in a baby room!
Last week all of our furniture that we ordered came in. Here is how it looked when he started.
He was so excited to get to work. He is really good at this kind of stuff. Notice the dresser in the background already finished. Now he is working on the changer/hutch combo.

And here it is a little while later all finished!
Here is a picture of the crib and the changer/hutch all put together.
Here is a closer look at our bedding. It has a few colors of blue and brown in it. Very simply and cute!
Here is a picture of the whole room. It is hard to get a good angle where you can see it all. We still haven't got curtains or decorations so this is just the remodeled room with furniture and bedding in it.
I couldn't leave off a picture of our little man's closet! We went on vacation a few weeks ago and found so many outlet sales. I think he is a little spoiled already but it was so fun to get to buy stuff for him! The vacation was our last big one just the 2 of us and it really ended up being all about getting him stuff!

I am so proud of the nursery. I love the fact that Justin took so much pride in it and remodeled it so that it looked nice for our little man. As we were hanging up all the clothes it was so crazy to imagine that in just 18 weeks we will have a little boy to dress in these clothes. We are so excited and blessed!

Update on our Little Man

Today we had another doctor appointment to see our little man. He was very active and stubborn and would not show us his face! He had it buried into my back and would not turn over. The ultrasound was about 15 minutes long and he moved his arms and legs the ENTIRE time. Once again the ultrasound tech told us how active he is. I would say he is taking after his father, but we all know who is calm and who is high strung in this relationship! He had no problem showing us his boy parts and how good he has gotten at kicking, but we did not get a good picture of that sweet little face which is a little disappointing!
The wonderful news is he is developing perfect. He was actually measuring a week ahead of my due date. He weighs 9 oz (normal for how far along I am is 5-7oz). Justin was a big baby (9lbs 4oz) so he may just be taking after his daddy!
Our last appointment we had the Down Syndrome test and the Gestational Diabetes test. Both came back normal. She said I hadn't gained hardly any weight since we last saw her so she expects me to gain this next month. I am surprised I haven't gained because he has really made me start pooching out!!! Thank goodness for maternity clothes!
Also since the last time I posted we had a little scare. About a week and a half ago I started bleeding. It was on a Sunday so we ended up making a trip to the ER out of fear. Everything turned out okay even though the ER visit scared us more because they basically said it may be a miscarriage and only time will tell. We did call our dr the next morning and she was out for a few days but talked to her on-call doctor and he took my worries away and said I was not having a miscarriage. Basically what the ER doctor told us is what what would be true of someone early in pregnancy, but considering how far along I was the symptoms would be different for a miscarriage.
Today at our appointment she said she hadn't heard about my bleeding (which we were surprised about). You could tell it bothered her. She checked me out and made sure things looked okay today and they did. The other doctor had told me I could bleed a lot more than I did before I called anyone out of concern but she advised us different today. She said any amount of blood I need to call her because she wants to know and if it is a weekend I need to go to the ER in Lawton. She wasn't trying to scare us but wants us to be near her if something happens. She is OVERLY cautious with me, but with how nervous we get at every little thing because of what we went through, I like her being cautious. She isn't going to treat us how most doctors would treat normal patients, she is trained to be on high alert at all times. She gave me restrictions for the next few weeks just to make sure the bleeding doesn't start back.
We are really liking Dr. Lennon. She is very good at what she does and you can tell she knows what she is doing. It is easy to trust her and I really like that fact. I still miss OU and Dr. Craig but I really think God placed us with Dr. Lennon for a reason.
Even though we didn't get many good pictures today, I cannot write a blog without sharing one! I think the only picture appropriate for today would be a picture of him kicking since that is what he does all the time! So here is his foot in the air during a kick.




Have you ever seen such a cute little leg/foot?
I cannot feel these kicks yet but should within the next few weeks. As she was listening to his heart on the doppler she heard him kick. She was surprised I didn't feel it because of the force in the sound! It may be a painful few months when I start feeling this little guy kicking!!!

That is all the update for now. For the first time in a LONG time we do not have another appointment for a full month! Not sure what life is like without seeing a doctor more often but we are soooo grateful to be at this point. In the meantime we(meaning Justin doing all the hard stuff and me buying all the cute stuff!) are working on his nursery and I bet the next update will be about that!

J & M

Watching Him Grow

There are many things that are hard about going through infertility. Lately though we have been able to see some cool things. When you go through fertility you are on such high alert that you get to see your baby early. I thought I would share some of these cool/priceless pictures so that you can see the miracle that we have been able to see.

This first picture is what they gave us on our transfer day. This is a picture of two 6 day old embryos. They did place both in me and only 1 - our miracle boy - made it. I know this just looks like a picture of cells but knowing that is our baby 6 days after conception takes my breath away.

This next picture is our first appointment after we got 2 positive blood tests. This is our little man at 7 weeks. You can't really tell anything other than something is in there and we could hear a sweet little heartbeat.




This next picture is only 2 weeks later. So this is the little guy at 9 weeks. If you look hard you can tell where his head, arms and legs are. Just to help - his legs are closest to the words. At this appointment we saw him kick those tiny legs for the first time!

This next picture is a little small. You can click each picture and it will make it bigger if you can't see as well.
This is our little boy at 12 weeks, just 3 weeks after the last one. You can see his profile in the first one and his legs and feet in the second one. He kicked almost the whole time we watched him this day. He has been an active little guy from the beginning.

This last one is what I posted on the previous post. This is him at 15 weeks - just 3 weeks after the last picture. You can see his nose and mouth and body defined. This is from the appointment where we found out he is a boy.

Scroll back up and just look at the pictures. In just 15 weeks he went from a group of cells to a handsome and defined little guy. Seeing this unfold is like getting a front seat to see a miracle that God is making.

I hope you each remember that you are a miracle too that God made to do great things for Him!

Love you all!

Update and surprise!

It has been a while since I updated. I want to continue this blog now that happy things are going on!!!

Well first off we did get released from our fertility specialist early on in July. That was for sure bitter sweet. We love those people so much and it is hard to leave the security of their care.
When we came back to my regular OBGYN we found out that she is retiring in December. Since I am due in January she had to refer me to another doctor. That was nerve racking because I wanted the security of my doctor I have had for so long.
She referred me to Dr. Carol Lennon who is the high risk specialist at MMH(Lawton OBGYN). I am not high risk necessarily, everything is going smooth so far but with our history it is nice knowing we are in her care.

Today was our first appointment meeting her. We could tell immediately she was a high risk specialist because of how much information she wanted!!! After a good appointment meeting and talking with her (and hearing the heartbeat) she sent us over to do some testing. I wasn't planning on doing the Gestational Diabetes test today - that is usually done later on - but since our infertility came from my PCOS and PCOS patients are at the highest risk for it she wanted to know immediately if that is something we are facing. We will know the result of that in about a week.

We did get to find out a secret today! We found out the sex of our baby. So now instead of Baby Smith we can all call it.....
Baby BOY Smith!!!
We are PUMPED that it is a boy and cannot wait to start buying things and preparing for his arrival. Before you ask if we have a name I do want to be up front with everyone and tell you that Justin and I have decided that we want to keep that between us until his birth. It will add a little surprise factor and give us time to nail down exactly what we want. We are not trying to be 'little turkeys' by keeping this between us, just is a decision we made a long time ago.

So now what you really want - pictures!
Here is his handsome profile.

Here is him showing us that he is for sure a Boy!

And here are his cute little feet!




We are sooooo excited today. I think we have been so reserved and nervous that we have not felt the full excitement that this baby has brought. Today seeing him and knowing it is him has really helped us get a little more brave with our excitement and see how real this is. I cannot believe we are at this point. We are blessed beyond words. God is good!

J&M

Our News

This is the napkin that we used at out 4th of July family cookout to announce our news. I know you will be surprised by the fact that I am 11 weeks pregnant and wondering what in the world happened since I last posted. Here is the story.

We secretly started back doing a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET cycle) at the start of April. This required me to wear 4 estrogen patches a day and also take a shot that suppressed my body. We had to go up for a few appointments, but this process was so much different. The estrogen patches were SUPER strong and messed with my hormones a lot, but just not having to live in the city and go through the pain of growing all those eggs was a relief.

On May 2nd they decided my body was ready to go so we started some different shots (That big progesterone one) and we scheduled the transfer for May 9th. They defrosted 2 embryos and thankfully God allowed them both to make it through the freeze. This transfer only took about 10 minutes. Without that polyp it was the easiest procedure ever. We were out of there and on our way home quick. I took the next few days off and was on bed rest to let my body relax and allow them a chance to attach themselves.

One week later on May 16th the most surreal thing happened to us. We bought a pregnancy test and were both there as it came back a very strong pregnant line. We also bought a digital test and it came back quickly saying pregnant. We have seen lots of negative tests over the past few years so seeing a positive was weird for us. It was hard to believe. That night we just cried in awe of the blessing. We knew we had a long road ahead so we had to be careful being too excited but we rejoiced.

On May 18th I had blood drawn and my HCG level came back at a 201.9. They want it to be between 50-100 so they told us that is could be twins but either way that is a good strong level to start with. Two days later I had it drawn again and it more than doubled which is what it is supposed to do.

We had our first ultrasound appointment on June 9th. We found out that I am carrying 1 little baby. This was bitter sweet because that means 1 of our embryos didn’t make it. We got to hear a very strong heartbeat and it was developing perfect. June 9th brought our rate of miscarriage down to less than 10 percent.

On June 23rd we got to hear the heartbeat again. It had grown exactly as it should and she even used the words everything is looking perfect. I told her we have never heard her say that referring to my body! We go to see its little arms and legs wiggling around – very neat. This time by hearing it our chance of miscarriage then dropped to less than 3 percent.

We have been doing shots since the start of April. We started the big progesterone shots at the start of May along with wearing 4 estrogen patches a day since mid-April. As of June 29th, I got to stop both of those. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be done with those. They were one of my biggest struggles.

I have been very sick. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I am shooting so much medicine into my body along with the pregnancy hormones. She gave me some things to help and it has been a day by day (or hour by hour) thing. Since finding out I’m pregnant I have lost 12 pounds because of the sickness. It has been the hardest thing to get through and it made doing shots and patches even harder because it just kept the sickness going.

I have also lived in a bubble since May 9th. Until my first ultrasound I was on high alert. Basically I could go to work, but needed to come home and rest when I got finished. I had to limit how active I was each day to help keep this baby. That was really hard when no one knew. I had feelings of a prisoner in my home a few times especially as I was sick, but it was part of it and I knew it was worth it. We had one miscarriage scare that thankfully turned out good. It actually ended up keeping us more guarded because you just never know what is going to happen.
We are so excited and blessed to be posting this news. We have wanted to share since the day we got our positive test but knew that for our sake and for your sake we needed to wait. Last time was so hard for us and for others that we wanted to spare the pain if it didn’t work. When you feel as much joy as we have been feeling it hard not to shout it off the rooftop, but we are grateful that we can come to you and tell you at this point knowing that we are in a good spot in our pregnancy. Things could still happen of course, God is in control, but we have a peace to share. Also, I probably won’t be able to hide it too much longer! :)

Thank you for prayers. I hope you have been encouraged somehow through this journey. Each of your kind words, understanding hearts and prayers have lifted us up so much. We hope we are able to pass that on to others who are struggling through journeys that they do not understand. God is strong when we are weak and He has taught us more about Him in the past 2 and a half years then I ever thought was possible. As hard as it has been, it is hard to be anything but grateful for this journey and for the lessons we have learned. Justin and I have grown closer than I ever thought two people could be during these struggles and he is my reminder that God has the best things in store for my life. The best gift I could ever give my child is him as their daddy. He already is amazing and is my biggest blessing from God.

To God be all the glory!

J&M

Surgery time

Hey everyone! Tomorrow (3/15) I have my cervical polyp removal surgery. I had the pre-op appointment on Monday and found out that it will not just be light anesthesia, but the full general anesthesia (tube down throat and all). This makes me a little more nervous than I already am, but I know it will be ok. I will be down for the rest of the week so today basically marks my last day of spring break. That stinks for all of the lazy/fun reasons of a break I am going to miss, but am so grateful that I am not having to miss multiple days of work for this surgery!
Please keep me, Justin and Dr. Craig in your prayers tomorrow. She is not only going to remove the polyp but is going to go into my uterus and just triple check that everything is ok there. Justin - the hospital is referring to him as my 'responsible party' - will be taking good care of me. He is always so wonderful when I am sick so I know I will be in great hands!
Thank you for the prayers!

Recovering

I know that by sharing this journey it has made everyone that follows this blog interested in what is happening and what is going to happen in the future. Sometimes sharing has made it hard but we really feel like if God is going to use our journey to help others, the first step is for us to share. This is a very hard post to write.

The last post I made was about our crazy back and forth schedule during the IVF process. So I think it would be best for me to pick up where I left off.

After my last post we had 4 more days of appointments and then the egg retrieval happened on Saturday the 5th. This process involves me being put under anesthesia and they go into my ovaries with a needle and poke each follicle (remember I had almost 20 in each side) and get the egg out of the follicle. This only took about 45 minutes and I woke up in a pretty good amount of pain. Most women have about 10-15 eggs retrieved TOPS, but I had 39 which is because of my age and the fact that I have PCOS (I asked if I broke the record but I didn’t!). Being that many eggs kept my chances of Ovarian Hyper stimulation up because there is fluid from each follicle that is still in the ovaries. Basically after the procedure I had to ‘recover’ for about an hour until they could get the pain under control and then they released me. I got in the car, knocked out and woke up when he told me we were home. We had planned on staying up there, but I wanted to be in my own bed when I felt bad so he made that happen. He said on the way home every bump he hit I would wake up and say ouch. I don’t remember much.

The next few days were hard. I felt like I had literally been cut open in my lower tummy. I could not walk standing straight up because of how bad it hurt (my enlarged ovaries). I had to urinate every 15 minutes and it drove me crazy. We did figure out later that the reason for that was because my ovaries were so large that they were pressing on my bladder and I was getting rid of all of the fluid from the IV.
They call you with an update of your eggs (now embryos) daily. By Sunday, just a day after the procedure, we had 21 that had been fertilized. We knew all 39 weren’t mature enough to fertilize, but they remove them so that you don’t get really sick. Leaving them would have caused me to overstimulated more which would have required a hospital stay. They were the eggs that weren’t meant to make it.

I attempted work on Monday and actually made it all day. I was in so much pain from pushing myself that if I could change something that is one of the things I would change. I felt better mentally because I got some things off my pending to do list but I am not sure it was the best time to do that. We got a call on Monday the 7th saying that they wanted to do the transfer on Tuesday the 8th. Basically this is a procedure that we had a practice run of back in December and it takes about 10 minutes to put the eggs back in. I am not under any anesthesia, it isn’t a big deal. Or it least it wasn’t then.

Of course we break the mold on everything so the transfer wasn’t what we expected. Our practice run had gone smooth a few weeks earlier, but I had since had a polyp grow on my cervix. This was from the fertility meds that we took during the process. Not everyone develops these from the meds, but my levels would go down than triple the next day because my body was being hard headed. The problem was that it wasn’t just a small polyp that many women get, it was huge and it took them about 55 minutes to do the 10 minute procedure. Basically they had to get through the polyp because it was blocking the entrance to my uterus. After what I now call the most traumatic/painful part of the process was done, Justin and I got to watch as 2 beautiful embryos were placed in me. It was emotional and surreal. Our 2 best babies had been placed in me, now it was my turn to take care of them.

Now the wait began. I did have to have a Progesterone shot every night to help my uterine lining. If you want to see a BIG needle, go to youtube and type in PIO (Progesterone in Oil) shot. Knowing that it was helping keep those2 embryos in me though made the pain ok. Unfortunately this shot gave you all the normal feelings of a pregnant woman. It is the actual hormone that makes you feel all of those feelings and I was shooting a good amount into me. That really messes with your head!

On Tuesday the 15th, 1 week after the transfer I started to spot. Not much, but enough to have me call my nurse because I was on edge about everything abnormal. They were not concerned since it was just a little bit of blood and said it is actually normal. It continued to be a small amount until I woke up in the middle of the night Wednesday night/Thursday morning and at this point it was a lot of fresh blood. I let Thursday play out some to see if it would slow down but I sent my nurse an e-mail. After a meeting at 1:00 I got a call asking me to go ahead and come up. We were not supposed to do a pregnancy test until Monday but they wanted to do that and check my progesterone levels. They upped my progesterone that night.

So Friday the 18th we had an appointment that morning. All they did was take blood. They did not do an exam in case it was my polyp bleeding, they didn’t want to make it bleed more. Basically if it was what we feared it was, there was nothing that can be done. We came back home and waited on the call. Usually if my nurse calls me, she calls me as soon as they get results, but if my doctor wants to talk to me it usually takes a little longer. It was taking a little longer. It really isn’t abnormal for Dr. Craig to call me because she feels very connected to us and has been the one to call us multiple times, but I wanted my nurse to call so that I knew it was no big deal. I got the call and it was Dr. Craig on the phone. I told her I knew it was a bad thing if she was calling, and she said she would have grabbed our folder either way but yes it wasn’t good. It didn’t work. She cried with me on the phone for about 15 minutes as we just processed. She explained what the next step would be when we are ready.

So that is where we are at. I know your question after all of this is what is the next step? Well first I have to have surgery to remove the polyp. She wants it gone before we do another transfer. The polyp doesn’t affect anything pregnancy related, just causes pain when doing the transfer procedure. It is too large to remove in office so it is one we have to schedule a surgery day where they put me under anesthesia.

Thankfully we had 6 embryos (other than the ones they put in me) that were good quality (13 of them stopped growing, which is normal). We ‘froze’ those 6 so that they can be used at a later date. Having those frozen means we do not have to go through all of the IVF again. Basically I will have to take some shots, but nothing like before, and only go up there a handful of times. Once they think my body is in the place it can handle it, they transfer a few of the frozen embryos into me.

My question is just like yours – why in the world would we think it would work next time. Her reply was simple and practical. Basically there is no “reason” that it didn’t work, she cannot find anything wrong other than the ovulation in me and we got over that using the egg retrieval. She said that sometimes though, our body is so unnaturally hormonal from the IVF procedure that our bodies reject the eggs. She said that when patients with my history go through a frozen cycle (FET) that they have very good results because their body is more in the ‘normal’ state. If you know me, you know I am a realist, and this was the only thing that has comforted me.

My body is going back to the “Pre-IVF” form. My ovaries had gotten SOOOOO large that it was miserable. In the past week and a half I have lost 8 pounds. It was pure water weight from all of the fluid in my ovaries. I am finally being able to sleep more than an hour at a time without having to get up to use the restroom. I guess these are both good things to be thankful for.

So that is the story. To say that Justin and I are sad is an understatement. We are devastated. We believe life starts at conception and conception started the day of the egg retrieval. These babies were very real and we very much feel like we lost 2 children. Our doctor gave us a picture of them on the day of the transfer and it was so crazy how instantly attached we felt. Of course I feel an extra burden because it was my body that rejected them. Every day it is a struggle to not be an emotional wreck. I think we are also both in shock. That was the hardest 6 weeks we have had in our entire life. We felt like we were tested in every way possible. We just cannot believe it didn’t work. We always had IVF in our back pocket, knowing if everything else failed, that would work. We were wrong and it hurts.

We will be ok. We are fighters and we are believers that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. We don’t think we are as strong as He thinks we are though. Right now we are just trying to make it day by day. That is all we really know how to do. There is no rule book on what to do in these situations. We just have to trust God and allow him to comfort us. As the song says, sometimes he calms the storms but other times he calms his child. Keep us in your prayers.

J&M

Home Sick

We have been gone and I know a lot of you are wondering what in the world is going on and why I have been MIA. We have been gone lots more than we planned. Well here was our agenda last week (we didn't know what the next day held until it came).
Sunday night - Drove to OKC
Monday morning appt - 7:30 AM. We then drove home and worked half a day. Got a call that they needed us back Tuesday so we drove back up after work Monday to sleep.
Tuesday morning appt- 7:30. We then drove home and worked half a day. Got a call that they needed us back thursday - so we got to sleep at HOME.
Wednesday - worked all day then left that evening to sleep in OKC
Thursday morning - appt -7:30. We then drove home and worked half a day. Got a call they needed us back Friday so we drove up that night to sleep.
Friday morning - appt 7:30. We then drove home to work half a day. We got a call they needed us Saturday. We wanted to sleep in our bed and we needed to do laundry so we stayed home.
Saturday morning - woke up at 4:30 to get ready and go to OKC. We had an appt at 8:00. We hung around town to hear the results - got a call they needed us again on Sunday so we stayed the night.
Sunday - had appt at 8AM. She said we have to be there Monday at 11AM so we came home to do more laundry and re-pack for colder weather.
Monday - We had out appt and she needed us again today (Tuesday). She stressed to us that we cannot miss an appt due to the weather because it could not only ruin the whole thing but it could be dangerous to my health. She uses each appt to determine my medicine dose for that evening.
So here we are in OKC again during a blizzard.
We didn't have an appt until noon today with the hopes that some of the roads would be cleared some by the road crews. We stayed a mile away from the clinic to ensure we could get there. She calls us this morning and she has a 22 mile drive but is coming JUST FOR US. So we head there. OKC has been bad - it snowed A LOT and was in a whiteout phase for a while. We got all the way to the clinic then got stuck - the road to her office hadn't been cleared yet and she had went another way and didn't know that. Dr. Craig was the only one that came - nurses couldn't make it - and when she called and heard we were stuck she walked 2 blocks in the cold from where she was parked and brought a shovel. She got down on her hands and knees helping us dig out snow so we could get out. After about 15 minutes in the bitter cold, she got in the driver side of my car as Justin pushed and they got us out. Justin ran beside the car because we didn't want to lose momentum and jumps in. We make it to the ER at OU medical because that was the clearest road. Since none of the people made it we had to go there to get my blood drawn. She took us to Labor and delivery and got us in a delivery suite and set up the ultrasound to check me since that was the only place where a good enough one was (still not near as nice as hers!). Yes you read all of that right - our million dollar doctor was digging snow out from around our car on her hands and knees. We were amazed!
So today to say that we bonded more than ever with her is an understatement. We got close today. We already liked her and respected her as a doctor before today, but in Justin's words "we now respect her as a human being.' She showed so much compassion and how much she genuinely cared. To be honest she could have canceled on us today and stayed safe. she could have cancelled our cycle and had us start again but she didn't.
As we left her she said - You have to get pregnant after this - what a great story to share with you child! What a great outlook. God took a crazy situation - I mean after last week we didn't think it could get any harder but that was before we realized it would be blizzard like weather - and made us be even more grateful.
Over the past week and a half we have had so many scares. At first my body overreacted to the medicine. It got to the point they were going to stop treatment so that I didn't overstimulate. She lowered my dose over a few days which helped. Then I stopped responding period. One of my nurses told me that she had never seen someone change that drastically. They almost had to stop treatment again because I just stopped working (Of course with my body this happens!). Then it snapped all back together. We were NOT prepared to have to spend this much time in OKC but all of that was unexpected. To be honest, as inconvenient as it has been to be up here, it has been very comforting to both of us knowing she is checking on me every day. I have felt pain that is very unusual pain and that can be scary when you have no clue what it means.
So that is where I have been friends - we feel like we have been on the run. We will have an appt in the morning (Wednesday) and at least one more day this week and then hopefully only 1 day up here next week. We are exhausted - physically and emotionally. My body is working harder than ever which makes you more tired normally - not adding in the fact of spending 5+ hours a day on the road most days.
God has allowed other people to show us so much compassion during this. First off our bosses, they have been so supported and taken the stress of work out of this equation. They realize how stressful it is already and they have really eased our worries about work and allowed us to focus on this. My mom has been a huge help with taking care of Emma (our dog). We have been able to call and say we are leaving again and not worry another thought about her being taken care of. So many of you guys have either sent a text or an e-mail reminding us that you are praying for us. What a blessing. Our doctors and nurses - we have seen them more than most people and they have really taken care of us. Our nurses are those people who seem like your best friend - they talk to you and spend the time you need to make you feel better and for you to understand what is going on. They are just good people - ones I will miss when this is over.
This process has been hard, and isn't even halfway over yet but God has taught us so much! He is amazing! My mom texted me last night and said "Maybe God sent the snow storm so that work was cancelled for a day and you didn't have to think about missing it!" Love the perspective!
This was a long post. I felt like I had just ran off and left everyone. We are alive and we are safe. We are having to take this day by day and are sooooooo grateful for the prayers from each of you. Love you all and hope to see you SOON! We miss work and we miss home!!!!

And we're off!

Well this is the week that things start getting hectic!!! We have to go to OKC on Thursday for our baseline appointment. This is where we pay and get started. We have already started the shot process (which are going great - Justin is getting to be a pro at being a doctor!) Over the next 6 weeks we will live in the city as much as we will live here. Some weeks it will be appointments at least every other day.
Please pray for safe travels. This is a lot of time on the road and I know it is going to be exhausting. Just pray that Justin stays alert as we travel and that I help by being a good co pilot!
Please pray for the doctors and nurses. We have tremendous faith in their knowledge and ability but they are very human. Pray for strength and knowledge as they do all of these procedures on my body.
Pray for God's will. This is hard because we all want God's will to be for this to work, but please pray that if this is not his timing that he makes us patient because His timing is best.
Knowing how detailed every step of this process is just reminds me how much God is involved in this. Without his blessing, this could never be something that worked for anyone. Every detailed step just reminds me how much of a miracle modern medicine can be and how it can be used for God's glory. He has brought us to this point for a reason. We have gained so much patience and a craving for His timing in our lives. We see how much of a blessing from God a child would be to our lives and without going through all of these trials I do not think we would have been able to see his hand intervene to help us. It has been a wonderful reminder that All good and perfect gifts come from Him - they have nothing to do with our ability.

This will be my last post most likely until this process is over. Because of the sensitive nature of this, please do not ask if we are pregnant in 8 weeks. Even if this process works, the first 10 weeks will be very critical since the miscarriage rate is so high. No matter what happens, I will let you all know our progress as we feel is best to share.
We love you each very much and appreciate all the love, support and prayers you give us!