Lets try this again

I have not blogged in 6 months. It was a much needed and nice break. I am SO much stronger now and so is JR. I also finished my Maters in December so that has allowed me more time to be calm and collected. So I decided to start back. If for nothing else, it is nice going back through and reading the old ones to see where we came from and how much we have grown! We started all of this off being private, then we opened up to a few family members, and now we have included close friends. The reason for this is simple, we know the power of prayer and we know that when those that love us know we are struggling, they go before the almighty God on our behalf. We need that and if by opening up about our struggle makes that happen, then it is the least we can do.

Well from the last post I made not too much has changed. We have continued being aggressive in our attempt to have a baby. The last time I blogged was in October so since then we learned that the problem doesn't just lie with me, it is also JR. Guys are different from girls when it comes to this in the fact that there is not a whole lot can be done, we just have to learn how to manage it. Which we have with the help of our doctors.

Since the start of the year we have raised the dosage of the medication I am taking. It has caused me to be very emotional, or moody. I feel like I either cry at the drop of a hat or need to scream at the drop of the hat. I do not sleep well when taking it so I think the medication mixed with lack of sleep and hot flashes really makes for a different person. I would have to say after the disappointment of it all, that would have to be the worst part of it. I do not feel like me.

Last month I took the medication and I got for the first time since we started all this over a year ago, a positive ovulation test. You would have thought we were pregnant as excited as we were to see the smiling face on that ovulation test. The doctor did an exam that day (one I will not explain for your benefit!) and said it looked like our bodies were both working together. As exciting as that report was, I did not get pregnant or start my period the next month.

So we went to the doctor about 3 weeks ago - she said that we need to do an HSG (a dye test to check my uterus and Fallopian tubes to make sure they are not blocked and are working) and she gave me the higher dosage of medication one more time. She let us know that now matter the results of the test, if we are not pregnant this month then she has to refer us to a specialist in OKC. She said that she cannot give this medication out to me anymore because you cannot be on it longer than I have been. This was hard on all of us - JR, myself and our Doctor. We have been blessed to have a great doctor - she truly cares about us and has compassion for what we are going through. She is starting to feel as helpless as we feel.

So I had my dye test done last Wednesday. It was an experience to say the least. When I went back it was suppose to take 10 minutes, but they had another level of prep to do and then my doctor was running late. So over an hour later I come out and my husband is freaking out wondering if I was ok! The good news it, the test came back great, everything is working as it should. The Rad Tech told me that they hadn't done one of these tests in a long time but she had learned that it is a very therapeutic process for your tubes. She said it not only will clean them out, it will also help massage them into functioning how they should with some people. So that was very encouraging to hear.

So here we are. On month 13 about to start month 14 of this crazy cycle. As JR and I were laying in bed the other night I asked him what had he learned through all of this. His first response was that he now knows how the female reproductive system works better than most girls! Sadly, he is right and I am so blessed to have a man in my life that is there for me through everything, even if it is knowing about things in depth that he should have never had to know. But on the serious side, we both agreed that God has taught us patience. I for one am a very controlling person when it comes to my life. I like to have everything mapped out perfectly. Nothing works out perfectly though. I know that I have to let God lead us and that Faith in God includes Faith in His timing. We both agree that we have been one of the lucky couples that have grown closer through this process instead of growing apart. With all the hormone changes and all of the disappointments, it would have been easy to get discouraged from each other. But instead we are each others strength and best friend. JR told me last night that he knows now more than ever that we will be able to take care of each other no matter what comes along - cancer, disaster, anything. We are in this together forever no matter the hurdles.

So please pray my friends. Pray for God to bless us with a sweet child. Pray that we stay focused on God and not get too frustrated with our struggles. Pray that no matter what medical process we have to go through, that we have the emotional, mental and physical strength to overcome it. Pray that we grow so close to God that we will only be able to remember this journey as a blessing and not a struggle. Just Pray.

Here are a few quotes that have helped me during this - and I hope that they will bless you too. No matter what the level is, everyone is going through things and we all need encouragement. I pray that you allow me to be an encourager in your life as you all are to me.


"A man who is a master of patience is a master of everything else." -George Savile

"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." - Frank A. Clark

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe

"Take joy in struggle for it is the route to strength."

"I think it's our weakness that reveals how great God is." -Max Lucado

"The Lord will either calm your storm or allow it to rage while He calms you."



I love you sweet friends and am so blessed and thankful for each of you in my life!