Heartbroken

We had an appointment today. The last time we had been there she had warned us that it was our last shot with her. Knowing that didn't ease the blow today.
Today she told us that she was referring us to a specialist in the city. I asked if there was anything she could do that would be productive and not just putting my body through things because it is covered under insurance while with her. She said that I need to go to a specialist because they have the resources and ability to do more and at this point I need more than she can give. I lost it sitting right there in the doctors office. This is a game changing day.
This month equals a year of seeing a doctor about our problem - almost 15 months of trying to get pregnant. I always knew fertility specialists were out there, but I never thought we would have to go to them. To say we are both heart broken is an understatement. Today we feel defeated. We are so thankful that there are options out there. We are thankful for doctors that have knowledge solely in this and training in this that we can go to explore new options with. But we are sad.
Just thinking about all of the procedures and poking and prodding that will be done to my body scares me. I am dreading the emotional roller coaster that stronger hormones will put me through. We are both exhausted thinking about the process we are fixing to have to face and endure. Long drives to the city, missing work and having to juggle that, medication, he will have to give me hormone shots. All of these thing are on our mind and we know that it could still result in failure. How do you prepare for something like this?
All I keep thinking about is the face of a baby looking at me and me knowing that I loved it so much even before it was born that I decided I would go through anything to give it life. I sometimes lose that vision because it is so hard to see through tears and disappointment. Today is a day that the vision is blurry. Yea....today sucks. Tomorrow may suck. But I will wipe the tears away soon so that I can see that vision again, that sweet face of a baby. We can get through this. We will get through this. Together, we can get through anything.